Poetry by Ronald Charles Epstein

June 9th, 2013

 

Pee Wee Herman at the Airport

 

Pee Wee waits at JFK,
profiled by the TSA.

Their screener motions,
with a frown,
“This way, Bud,
I’ll pat you down.”

Pee Wee cries,
“Leave me alone.
Don’t touch my junk,
I’ll touch my own.”

 

 

 

Dinero for De Niro

 

Robert De Niro….

MEAN STREETS,
TAXI DRIVER,
GOODFELLAS-
practicing his craft.

MEET THE PARENTS,
MEET THE FOCKERS,
LITTLE FOCKERS-
making the big bucks.

Millions of dollars,
some destined for
Tribeca Productions,
headed by…De Niro.

The suits trumps the artist,
even when both are
the same person.

 

 

 

Not a Witch/Witch

 

 

Christine O’Donnell
is not a witch.
Stevie Nicks is.

That Fleetwood Mac singer
turned countless men
into compasses,
their needles aimed
at her true north.

Composer Walter Egan
wrote “Magnet & Steel”,
inspired by Stevie.

Her hips were magnets,
his hands, pure steel.

 

 

 

Sure-Fire Script Proposal

Seize the moment!
Cast Justin Beiber
as “Dwight, the Troubled Teen”
(A Worldwide Pants production ).

Co-starring Alan Kalter,
as his frazzled father.
With Taylor Swift,
as his cougar lover.
Featuring David Letterman
as the Connecticut state trooper.

 

 

 

Bieber/Boehner

 

 

Old jeans,
new haircut,
new hoodie,
new running shoes.

Muddling through life
with Bieber clothes
and Boehner hair.

 

 

 

2(x)ist

2(x)ist-men’s undershorts
tailored for the intellectual.

Simone de Beauvoir’s perfect gift
for Jean-Paul Sartre.

 

 

 

Nasty Pranksters

The standard prankster
yells “Fire!”
in a crowded theater.

The socially-aware one
yells “Federales!”
in a crowded Wal-Mart.

 

 

 

It’s the Weather, Stupid!

 

The sky starts to clear,
the sun begins to shine,
as the rain continues.

Witness the meteorological equivalent
of a jobless recovery.

 

 

 

COMBAT!-“Just for the Record”

Sgt. Saunders of Ohio,
trapped in a Paris apartment,
subject to capture
by Gestapo, local police
or drunken German soldiers,
listens to a record
from his folks back home
and feels the pain
of prolonged absence,
as we discern the irony:

An American in Paris,
homesick for Cleveland.

 

 

 

The World Resembles Jack Nicholson

 

University Day, 1999:
(Science Exhibit)
Skeleton with sunglasses,
accessorized with scarf-
Jack Nicholson all set
for a night on the town.

Condom ad cartoon:
naked man with blindfold
looks strangely familiar.
Could it be….?
Nah, ask his kid.
Ha, ha, ha.

 

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